Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
ugly people sure do ruin things
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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