Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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