I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
