So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
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