We won't sleep together?
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
