I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize