sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
