Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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