So drunk its hurt
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
