D3 body, D1 cock
I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
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