Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Randomize