i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
