I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
