I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
