so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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