my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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