I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
