so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize