I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
