found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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