I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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