She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize