There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
