Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
