so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
