Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
