yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
