I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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