nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
that may or may not have been my penis.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
