never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Holy shit dude........stairs
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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