12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
