i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
they're like a gay fantastic four
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
