And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
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