My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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