i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
