is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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