my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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