So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
