So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
