be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Your penis caused this!
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