So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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