Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I am available for nakedness
I had to cum in my sink.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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