is your mom at the bar?
I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
