Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize