somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
