so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Randomize
