Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
it glows. i had to have it.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
