I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
