dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
