Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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