he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
