Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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