and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
