Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
