Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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