smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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