My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
