Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize