i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
That was before I lit my hair on fire
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
