I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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